second verse, same as the first

made it this far, somehow
i keep finding bits of my soul that i left behind
and somehow managed to go two years without noticing they were gone.

it's still not quite a year
but i am better hereandnow than i was hereandthen
it still feels uphill, each step threatening to bring me to my knees
crawling, dust in mouth
aching to just put it all down and stop.

but i'm not made of black anymore
even if my fingernails are
and maybe i'll be better this next year
another year older, and there's still space to go up
and not quite so much dragging me down

it's still not fair
a world where these accidentally gifted bits of my soul
are not the people i see each and every day
it makes me wonder where it all went wrong
but it's not so much wrong as just not quite right

these past two days have made me happier than ever
they've also shown me how i've changed
i'm not the person i was two and a half years ago
(sometimes, i think i can trace my depression to then)
so it's a little sad, feeling less than completely enveloped
not exactly left on the outside, just with my bedmate stealing the covers, leaving me a tad bit chilled.