good things never last (or is it end)

i am angry. angry and tired. angry, tired, and feeling betrayed, though i do not actually know the mechanism whereby that which induced said anger came to pass.

suffice it to say, it is enough that those who should not know do, and while i can imagine that the information could be obtained otherwise, it makes no sense as to why said specific individual did what they did with said information unless they were told.

the reason i do not tell you these things is that i do not want you to know.


besides all of these things, i can feel the ones i love slipping through my fingers. our conversations are nonsensical and intermittent, lacking any sort of connection that would give coherence, or at least meaning. she is drawn to the side of her lover, the one she holds in highest esteem, the one she shares a bed with. i am displaced in her affections by one who loves her in ways i do not, and for that, i cannot blame her, but am sad nonetheless. she was mine and i was hers, and she did not know how much (i hope), and i have been set aside, or possible left on the kitchen table next to the breakfast dishes as she has wandered off to do as one does in life, which is to say, to actually do anything. of course, that is selfishness speaking, for as much as i love her, i too have been guilty of forgetting to take her with me wherever i go. but never let it be said that i was anything but hypocritical and selfish.