like you were the first to listen (to everything we said)

soulsick and tired and heartsick and bitter and just too tired to care much at all. it's completely stupid for a multitude of reasons, most of which involve me being painfully practical, but i'm still mad about loosing the closest thing i've ever had to a soulmate. she was one of the best things to ever happen to me, and for all intents and purposes, she's gone. and i hate her girlfriend. team me=0 team world=ALLOFTHEM

i'm back to having trouble breathing in all the way, and i don't know if it's because i'm run just that ragged, or if i should actually be medically concerned. but seeing has i have no time and less money, i'm going to stick my head in the sand and put my money on the first one, and hope it goes away at christmas.

i've also discovered that i am most pleased when el portable music player made by popular computer manufacturer is turned up to eleven, aka much louder than i should be listening on a regular basis, especially if i want to continue to listen to music for the rest of my life. on the other hand, sometimes it's the only thing that shuts my brain down enough for me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, so what's a little long term deafness when you have continued survival? i'm not back to being vaguely suicidal, but it might also be because i'm just too damn tired. it's not as bad as last winter. i don't think.