everyone deserves a place

we don't do it for the scars or stories, just the pain

tattoos and memories

for what it's worth
(hint: not much)

depression gives way to self-sabatoge
no one fucks up better than i do
it doesn't matter if i live or die if i ruin every chance that comes my way

feh.

make my troubles rhyme

if you don't cry, then you just don't feel it deep enough

things i never wanted
covering every last inch of skin
i don't want it to be this way

i don't want to need to have my life saved
i don't want to need for anyone to listen
i don't want to do the things i do
i don't want to be the things i am

hiding is my way of life
i don't know how to change
i fear what other people say, what they thing
whispers like a razor in the back

i wish i were 'awake and unafraid'
but i'm not
i'll sleep as hard as i can
and i'm terrified of what waits upon waking

no one will every love you honestly
and that's what my life is..

i want to be old enough/good enough/strong enough that i dont need music to save my life, but i'm not. this is a me begging for something to make it better.

these girls are my inspiration.

the best part of believe is the lie

it is better to talk to an empty room than to talk to a crowd and recieve no response.

the old adage, about more loneliness to be found in a crowded room than an empty field is true as can be.

if you find yourself caught in love

the only freedom that you'll ever really know, is written in books from long ago

it has been determined that, while lonely, life with a +one would be infinitely more torturous. how sad. it's a terrible thing to realize, tbh.

there's just no way to win with the rules we've got. it's easy to say that you'll make your own rules, and it's harder than anything to walk alone. but the compromise turns my stomach. giveth with one hand a taketh away with the other. i've already got one example of one terrible marriage, two mediocre, and several mediocre-at-best relationships. i've yet to see anthing that ever made me believe that 'love' is enough and real enough to overcome everything that's working against the pure supportive union of two souls.

don't mind me, i'm just going to be over here practicing for the future.

we only want to sing you to sleep

it's always easier to sit in the dark than to get out and play. the sadness.

i can't catch my breath quite right
and i don't know why
sickness, health, fucked in the head
it's all too much and not enough.

living in squalor has it's advantages
(if i say it hard enough, it will be true)

caught in the headlights of oncoming disaster

the writings on the wall
bigger than most
THIS CAN ONLY END IN DISASTER
DO NOT ENTER
etcetera, etcetera

shame what happens when you get a nasty case of the expectations.

Mister Rogers went onstage to accept the award — and there, in front of all the soap opera stars and talk show sinceratrons, in front of all the jutting man-tanned jaws and jutting saltwater bosoms, he made his small bow and said into the microphone, “All of us have special ones who have loved us into being. Would you just take, along with me, ten seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are. Ten seconds of silence.”

And then he lifted his wrist, looked at the audience, looked at his watch, and said, ‘I’ll watch the time.” There was, at first, a small whoop from the crowd, a giddy, strangled hiccup of laughter, as people realized that he wasn’t kidding, that Mister Rogers was not some convenient eunuch, but rather a man, an authority figure who actually expected them to do what he asked. And so they did. One second, two seconds, three seconds — and now the jaws clenched, and the bosoms heaved, and the mascara ran, and the tears fell upon the beglittered gathering like rain leaking down a crystal chandelier. And Mister Rogers finally looked up from his watch and said softly, “May God be with you,” to all his vanquished children.

twiterpated

the things you do when you don't think
like not sleep for days on end
and then expect to be able to thing thoughts that anyone else might want to hear.

twiterpated is a good word.

breakin some hearts tonight

alright alright just slow down

tonight is girding my loins
tucking everyting up and in and down
battening the hatches
preparing
for the great big storm

tomorrow morning is the big one
the start of everything
when i have to be the best
and keep being
for the next 5 years

i've never done anything so hard